How Does it Feel?

/ cagedunn

We (that is, storytellers) want our books to be read, but in order to do that we also need to entice the reader. There are various weapons … ummm, tools we use to try to find a way to open the curiosity, and this is one. A Blurb, or a storyline (although that’s mainly for the professionals in the field – and why aren’t readers considered smart enough to be in the same league?).

So, here’s the go – which of these would open your curiosity enough to want to read the story?

  1. Safi Lomas was near the end of her induction training, working the perimeter of a public event with Thom, her mentor and friend, when the device exploded. It killed Thom, and blinded Safi – but she saw more. What she saw was a bullet. What they didn’t find was a bullet. But Safi knows what she saw … and who. She may be legally blind, but she has the dog, a bit of tech, and a way in. If she’s the only person who knows who the mole is, where he is, and what he plans, what she has to do is bring him to justice, or …
  2. A rookie spook is abandoned to her own devices, wiles and wit when her opponent demonstrates intel he couldn’t possibly have without insider knowledge. Can a blind covert operative stop the terror group detonating another bomb despite her lack of support – and the mole who outs her?
  3. A blind ex-field operative infiltrates a high-risk situation to prove there’s a mole – and murderer – at the centre of the agency, but when two people see the same thing differently, what is evidence and what is illusion?
  4. Safi Lomas holds the access card to something everyone wants – and she’s going to use it to bring the enemy to her, the broken and blind and angry young woman they see, to enable her to finally do her job – and disable the mole and murderer who killed her friend and mentor before he detonates another device.

Of course, I have a favourite, but I’m the writer, so I’m allowed. It also makes my bias too strong to see clearly (a bit blinded, you might think).

Which of these – if any (and please tell me if it’s nada, and why if possible) – push that button of curiosity?

https://www.amazon.com/Cage-Dunn/e/B01DBJFSQC/

The story may be complete by end Feb, and out and about in March (this isn’t set in stone, more like mud, so patience may be required).

 

49 thoughts on “How Does it Feel?”

      • I agree – it should be what it says. I’d like to interest a reader who is happy to read the whole story, and let the people who don’t like that story know that it isn’t for them!
        My motto: gimme the story, nothing but the story!
        I know, I’m a bit weird, but … s’life! Thanks for responding.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I had to unfollow and then click on refollow just then so I could respond! Sorry, but sometimes these things are … beyond comprehension! Computers and software, that is, but yes, also the overblown descriptions that don’t fit the story!
        Thank you.

        Liked by 1 person

      • that sounds like an offer too good to refuse – thank you.

        WP has a lot of quirks; I’ve wondered what’s happened to people I follow, look them up, and hey presto, it says I’m not following! Apparently, it’s not uncommon – a bit weird, though …

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  2. I actually like all four write ups with #1 being the most descriptive, so it gives the clearest picture, but I don’t know about word limits, as publishers always have them. I like ‘rookie spook’ in #2 and ‘blind ex-field operative’ in #3, but they seem contradictory to each other. I also like the way Safi is described as a ‘broken and blind and angry young woman’ in #4 and I wonder if you could combine these three different descriptions of her together in some manner.

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  3. How about this:
    1. Safi Lomas a rookie spook was sidelined during her induction training, when a device exploded killing her co-worker and causing her to become be legally blind. Now she has a dog, some tech that will enable her to do her job, and she hopes for another chance back into the agency, to stop the terror group from detonating another bomb. She’s is aware of the mole, but the broken down, blind and angry young woman still needs to prove it, so she can bring him to justice, or die trying.

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  4. I actually like #3 best. It’s the sharpest to me and so intriguing. I love the tension and suspense set up by the last line. The other 3 were confusing to me, too much information crammed in, and I had to read them twice. I looked through the other comments – funny how we all have different preferences.

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    • And that’s a good thing – otherwise, there’d be only one genre, and probably only one style of story!
      I like short and sharp, active and assertive, but one of my writing group calls my efforts ‘cutting to the bone’ – not sure if that’s good or bad …

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  6. They all sound interesting and read-worthy. #4 makes me a little edgy because I don’t like the enemy coming in to her turf, because she has to have a safe space. If you have her draw them to someplace other than her house, where she could have it rigged with traps, that could be fun. I like the idea of #1 most because she has the dog to help her. If you don’t use the dog, is there a way some other “accidental support person” could be introduced? Just talking off the top of my head. I know you want to make her tough and a one-word army despite the fact she is blind, but everybody could use a little help, sighted or not…

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  10. I like #2 best, and suggest a couple of tweaks:
    Rookie spook Safi Lomas is abandoned to her own devices, wiles and wit when her opponent demonstrates intel he couldn’t possibly have without insider knowledge. Now she has the dog, a bit of tech, and a way in. But can a broken, blind, and angry young woman stop the terror group detonating another bomb despite her lack of support – and the mole who outs her?
    These things are tough to write! You have to pack a lot into a small space without confusing the reader, as Diana said earlier.

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  15. A rookie spook is abandoned to her own devices, wiles and wit when her opponent demonstrates intel he couldn’t possibly have without insider knowledge. Can a blind covert operative stop the terror group detonating another bomb despite her lack of support – and the mole who outs her?
    A blind ex-field operative infiltrates a high-risk situation to prove there’s a mole – and murderer – at the centre of the agency, but when two people see the same thing differently, what is evidence and what is illusion?

    I know this is two choices of your four Cage – but they are very similiar story wise, these would be my two penneths for one choice.

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    • I have another beta reader who lives in rural Australia and has intermittent internet. Actually, intermittent is probably better than they get. I’ve added you to the list – and thank you!

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  19. I like #1 best as a back blurb although I like the phrase “broken, blind and angry” from #4. I also like the question from #3 “but when two people see the same thing differently, what is evidence and what is illusion?” but you have to show the second person as you only mention Safi. I liked knowing her name which probably pulled me to #1.

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